Montreal Roller Derby’s La Racaille is a gang of shit-disturbing street punks on wheels. Raised on the wrong side of the tracks, they banded together to terrorize the town, wreak havoc in back alleyways, and FIGHT THE POWER. Theyíve been through hell and back, greasing their wheels with toxic chemicals, strapping scrap tires to their skates for protection against needles and broken glass, and brandishing lead pipes and a booty block for anyone who gets in their way. ?They are untamed, sexy, street-wise chicks, faster than lightning and itching to kick some ass. Beware!
(crédit photos: Ange Labbé-Dulude)
Derby Name: Artsy Choke
Position: Time to eat!
Bio: After a medical consultation when she was 6 years old, the doctor told Choke’s parents she had to cut her food intake by 33.33%. This was the beginning of the end. This is when Choke decided to go to war against this society that keeps you away from food!
Height: Big enough to eat!
Catchphrase: I am not yawning out of tiredness, I’m yawning because I’m hungry!
Likes: To eat, the smell of food, when it’s time to eat.
Dislikes: Being hungry, not having anything to eat, the combo of chocolate and mint, and chocolate and fruits, food poisoning…
Derby Name: Criss D. Crowbar
Position: Pivot, blocker
Bio: Raised in corn country, on a pig farm with a few cows and chickens, this girl grew up far from the rough city she dreamed of. Don’t let her sweet demeanour fool you. Criss D. Crowbar has cut a few throats in her day and isn’t scared to apply her chicken decapitation skills to the chicks on the track. In her free time, she likes to go cow tipping (a tradition where she comes from in the Midwest), but now that she finds herself in the big city, she also enjoys taking her trademark crowbar to the streets. The way she wields it may make you laugh, but that’s when she’ll weigh in with a sweet smile and an unforgettable swing of the crowbar that leaves local Quebecers cursing her name…
Height: Tall enough.
Catchphrase: Are we having fun yet?
Likes: Corn on the cob, bacon, potatoes drizzled with cheddar, dipped in Ranch.
Dislikes: eating the same thing twice in a row.
Derby Name: Dalaï la Matraque
Bio: Despite her serenity and her words of wisdom, this reincarnation of the Dalai-Lama has never really adapted to the spiritual life that was expected of her. One day, she had a revelation during her meditation: “Roller Derby”. She left her Tibetan monastery to follow the calling of her true destiny. She exchanged her sandals for quads and her monk’s robe for a green and silver uniform. She declared the track “New Tibet”, a territory she would conquer with her physical strength rather than spiritual, this time!
Height: 5″6 with about 4″8 of legs.
Catchphrase: You’re only late once you arrive.
Likes: Cats. Unicorns. Cats dressed as unicorns.
Derby Name: Dirty Plot
Bio: Feminist pain in the butt, drama-queen with sparkles and feather boas, avid watcher of animal documentaries.
Height: 172cm in civil life, ground level when on the track.
Catchphrase: Let’s talk about sex baby!- but it’s purely professional.
Likes: David Attenborough, animal print everything (especially zebra and leopard).
Dislikes: Cakes (yeah, I know, stop judging!)
Derby Name: Gorgon’Zola
Bio: Raised on the méditerranean seashores, Gorgon’zola left for the icy plains of Québec in the hopes that the negative temperatures could help her cool down her fiery anger. Sister of the terrible gorgon Medusa, she spits and kicks when one gets her mad. Beware!
Height: Not your business
Catchphrase: Police everywhere, justice nowhere!
Dislikes: When it’s too perfect.
Derby Name: Greta Bobo
Bio: I was gone…I came back. The end.
Height: Before I left, 5′ 4″. When I came back, 5′ 4″.
Catchphrase: To be able to come back. Sometimes one has to leave.
Likes: Showing my back when I leave. And my face when I come back.
Dislikes: Showing my face when I leave and my back when I come back. I’m terrible at moonwalking.
Derby Name: Maim Marian
Bio: Disney made her into a fox, but who could argue with that? She may be one foxy maiden, but beware – this maid will maim you if you aren’t careful. Robin who?
Likes: Stealing from the rich to give to the poor
Dislikes: The woods at night.
Derby Name: Nameless Whorror
Position: Jammer, Blocker
Bio: When you find yourself walking through a dark alley deep within the red light district of Montreal, you start wondering if you are, in fact, safe. Suddenly you hear something stirring in the corner, breathing down your neck. You turn and find nothing. You want to believe you are alone, and you know there is no such thing as the boogeyman… And you are right, there is not. There is something far more terrifying, worse than any monster that lives under your bed. It is the one whose name shall not be uttered… Not even whispered. For the name itself is unspeakable by any human being, if uttered, the world would surely implode. We call this terror the Nameless Whorror. The only things that can harness this untamed force of nature are the boundaries of the derby track. It is there that the Nameless Whorror, alongside her teammates from La Racaille, turn their fury and passion into magic and cunning on the track.
Catchphrase: “I’m the whorror that nightmares are afraid of”
Likes: Roller derby and cuddles.
Dislikes: Naysayers and douchebags.
Derby Name: No Pix Plz
Number: 54 46
Bio: The paparazzi and gossip that surrounded her band “Just” were too much for No Pix Plz. After years of success and many magazine covers, she leaves France for Montreal to live in blissful anonymity. But the quietude of her new life proved to be too boring and she needed an outlet for her thirst for aggression. That’s how she joined roller derby and found in La Racaille what was missing : fun, friends and that punk attitude! Far from the camera lenses, this ex-rockstar now takes great pleasure in putting the opposite team’s star jammers through hell.
Height: In centimeters.
Likes: Unforeseen situations.
Dislikes: Camera flashes!
Derby Name: Purr Evil
Bio: Purr went from playing year 1 & 2 for the Slaughter Daughters to represent La Racaille and the Sexpos for her 3rd season. Just like an excited kitten, Purr will always appear just when you thought you were out of the pack.
Height: 5’9″ a.k.a never low enough.
Catchphrase: Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
Likes: Cats, Chips, Cheetos.
Dislikes: The colour baby blue
Derby Name: Squarrior
Position: Bloqueuse, Jammeuse
Bio: This warrior only has one thing on her mind- the fight! She’ll hit and claw her way to win, taking her lands back, one jam at a time.
Height: 5.5 beaver pelts
Catchphrase: I’m so flippin mad!
Likes: Moccasins and Cornbread
Derby Name: Ti Punch
Bio: Pirate of the Caribbean, Mary Read’s reincarnation on wheels. She boards the track everytime she can and she loves Rum.
Catchphrase: I do what I want and “you have to try everything once.”
Likes: Freedom, freedom again ….and freedom…..oh and bretzels also!
Dislikes: Labels, categories, empty bags of chips, limits, lack of sleep, obligations, morning talks, people who don’t say thanks.
Derby Name: Tiny Fury
Bio: During a nuclear test at an unknown location, Tiny Fury and her brother Gojira were created. Envious of her brother’s triumphs, she trains day and night in the hope to be able to rampage through cities and be called Lord of Kaiju.
Catchphrase: Same difference. ¯\_(?)_/¯ “?_?”
Likes: Protein, puppies, world domination, sarcasm.
Dislikes: Being mistaken for the only other Asian in the league. High shelves. Mathematics.
Derby Name: What the Yelle
Position: Blocker / Jammer
Bio: Día sanador y entrenador de perros en la noche, Lo que el Yelle es un mordernes gitanas de tiempo. Cerca de la naturaleza, no se sorprenda al ver hablando con flores, el viento o las nubes, a menudo en español, su lengua materna adopción. Que viaja en el fondo, ella viaja por el mundo en los pasos de Gandhi, Joyce Kikafunda y Tao, Esteban y Zia, sus quads siempre a mano. No se deje engañar aunque ni la sinceridad ni su amplia sonrisa, porque este leopardo verde demuestra un gran espíritu de lucha tan pronto como está en un derby pista!
Height: Tan grande como un caballo Mustang.
Catchphrase: Ven Mimi!
Likes: Bailando y durmiendo en la furgoneta.
Dislikes: La Rutina.
Derby Name: Why So Sirius ?
Position: Trying to be a coach.
Bio: If you like pandas, green, wheels, super cool teammates and contact and if you know deep down that you will always be a student with attitude, but you like to learn new things, then stop wondering, you are a Racaille!
Height: Don’t know, don’t care!
Catchphrase: When you really want it and you are true to yourself, you can do everything!
Likes: Derby, obviously!
Derby Name: Scarlet Blood Letter
Position: Bench manager forever
Bio: Always equipped with a flask of tequila, Scarlet Blood-Letter “keeps it calm” on the bench.
Height: I would be the tallest if I wore skates.
Catchphrase: Calm the fuck down.
Likes: Smack Daddy. Sarcasm.
Dislikes: Gods. Masters. People who don’t appreciate sarcasm.