Montréal Roller Derby
An abandoned building, where broken windows are letting the howling wind in. A creaking grid opens ups on a dusty, musty, boiler room. Around the old furnace, all kinds of eerie creatures are gathered ‘round. Some of them grew up on the street. Other have just escaped their padded cells. These ill intentioned women, with a crazy spark in their eyes, are planning their next move.
(crédit photos: Mojo Jojo)
Derby Name: Amaru La Maquina
Number: 593
Position: Wherever I am summoned
Bio: What is an Amaru? It is a dragon form Inca culture that can traverse from our world into the spirit world.
Crime: Brujeria/sorcery
Derby Name: Bloody San
Number: 82
Position: Blocker/Pivot
Bio: I’m starting my second year with my crazy team “FDR”. Started roller derby in Paris 4 years ago with Paris Roller Girls, then a few months with the girls of Valences, Spain and played in Auckland with the Pirate City Rollers in 2015.
Height: 5’4
Catchphrase: I’m gonna scratch your face. It rhymes with catchphrase.
Likes: To travel, to eat AND to travel, to travel AND to EAT and TO drink at the same time.
Dislikes: Politics
Derby Name: De Nada
Number: 1969
Position: Jammer
Bio: ??
Catchphrase: Sorry not sorry
Likes: Nice people, cider, ”remèdes de grand-mères”
Dislikes: Rude people !!!
Derby Name: Freida Tits
Number: 6006
Position: Blocker
Bio: Meme Queen OP
Height: 5’3 1/2
Catchphrase: Free Tibet
Likes: Bubble teas and « Une grenade avec ça? »
Dislikes: Le p’tit fendant à pomerleau
Crime: Witchcraft
Derby Name: French Cancan
Number: 4399
Position: Blocker
Height: 5’3
Likes: Roadtrip, improvised hockey games, rum, scrimmage on tuesday…
Dislikes: Being negative
Derby Name: Hot Pocket
Number: 72
Position: Blocker
Bio: Very excited to join FDR this year. I hope I don’t f@#% it up!
Height: 5’2
Catchphrase: Sorry about that! (Don’t worry, I’m not, it’s just my catchphrase)
Likes: Dessert, dairy, Taylor Swift songs (whatever haters)
Dislikes: Squats, haters
Crime: Stealing your man.
Derby Name: Kid Nervous
Number: 90
Position: Jammer/Pivot
Bio: Started derby in Nice (France) when jammers started at a second whistle and there were still major and minor penalties.
Height: about 1m70
Catchphrase: Allons-y Alonzo !
Likes: Fights
Dislikes: Injustice
Crime: Antisocial, lost her cool
Derby Name: La Grande Noirceur
Number: 78
Position: Pivot / Offense / Relief jammer
Bio: 5 th season of derby, still so much darkness to give away. Known for her solid hits, her track awareness and a certain habit of accidentally tearing her teammate’s T-shirts.
Height: 5’11
Catchphrase: Meow?
Likes: To think her parents might finally come to see her play this season?
Dislikes: Damp socks and injuries.
Crime: Failure to comply with a peace bond
Derby Name: Laisse Tomber Les Filles
Number: 174
Position: Blocker
Bio: She would do anything for love. Even *that*.
Height: 5’1
Catchphrase: Laisse is more
Likes: Long walks on the beach at sunset. The laughter of a child. Gazing into the abyss. Cats.
Dislikes: Filing her tax report. Rainy days. Being gazed at by the abyss. Relish.
Crime: Gross indecency
Derby Name: Leann-T-Christ
Number: 131
Position: Arse-owa-tit
Bio: A proper Shields gobshite raised on saveloys and scraps. Divvent rile this radgie or yeel git chinned. Eeeeeh but she’s dead canny though. Geet lush.
Height: 5ft nowt
Catchphrase: Haddaway and shite ya workie ticket
Likes: Pasties
Dislikes: Dafties
Crime: Vulgarity. Honking patter.
Derby Name: Mad Hunter
Number: 4810
Position: Somewhere between 2 lines, and you don’t want to see me coming…
Height: High Enough
Catchphrase: Catch me or I will catch you
Crime: Robbed a toys store and fought with yhe security guys
Derby Name: Mojo Jojo
Number: 343
Position: Blocker
Bio: Passionate’ person, repeatedly talks about her obsessions until her friends finally submit. “Did you watch Arrested Development?” and “Do you know this podcast called My Favourite Murder?” are amongst the first things she’ll ever ask you. A true crime addict; the Blue-eyed-bubble-butt-butcher would be her serial killer name.
Height: 5’3
Catchphrase: There’s always money in the banana stand.
Likes: Being a chick in a bowl, sleep, taking baths, drinking Coca Cola and playing Sims. Oh, and… did you watch Attested Development?
Dislikes: Tall people at gigs, other road users, being cold, your house dirt on my socks, running.
Crime: Disturbing the peace
Derby Name: Peace Out
Number: 2176
Position: Blocker
Bio: *Masculin is used to keep the text short* He comes back in force! During the last 4 years, this macho built his personality with the Juniors. This time, he proudly wears the purple and gold. From a pigheaded comes the darkest crimes
Height: Taller than Tits, that’s all that matters
Catchphrase: El sais
Likes: A wild life and lombrics
Dislikes: A not-so-wild life oh! and people who don’t compost
Crime: Fight in a Saskatchewan bar to find her wife who left him there for a guy from Regina
Derby Name: Regretta Garbanzo
Number: 689
Position: Wherever needed
Bio: Poisoned their husband and run away with his mistress
Catchphrase: Catch me if you can
Crime: First degree murder
Derby Name: Salty Sarah
Number: 07
Position: Blocker
Bio: Crossed the ocean for love.
Height: 171
Catchphrase: *beeep*
Crime: Was arrested for participating in a fight
Derby Name: Slaughtermelon Crawl
Number: 94
Position: Blocker
Derby Name: Thelma Track
Number: 0200
Position: Unknown
Bio: Wanted by the police for the murder of a dude who wanted to rape her girl, Thelma has been on the run in Europe, first in Paris, then hiding in London before finally disappearing in Canada.
Catchphrase: You get what you settle for.
Likes: Adventure, adrenalin, freedom
Dislikes: Patriarchy
Crime: Murder
Derby Name: Ghostface Killher
Number:
Position: Coach
Derby Name: Al K Traz
Number: 13
Position: Head Coach/Bench manager
Derby Name: Sparkle’n’Maim
Number:
Position: Coach
Derby Name: POU
Number: 95
Position: Prefect of the Jamily
Bio: Played four seasons as a jammer with FDR, and was the first to win the “FDR Rookie Trophy” because she was wearing a purple and gold unicorn outfit… She is now a Pivot and on-call-jammer on The New Skids. She also wear the stripes for Team Canada. Pouliche is there to guide them into their journey of growth. There is no good or bad. Only winning.
Catchphrase: Arrête de niaiser. Focus.
Likes: Positivity and Shirley Temple
Dislikes: Negativity, beer and coffee.