Montreal Roller Derby’s B travel team, The Sexpos, proudly represent in blue, white and red at an international level. This pack of passionate and talented ladies train hard and thrive to kick your ass and have lots of fun doing it! With all their wits and tricks, these hellcats on wheels will win you over before knocking you down.
The Montreal Sexpos will prove once again that not only are they an awesome B team, they are also always ready play with the big girls from any A team!
(crédit photos: Charlotte Lacoursiere)
Derby Name: Al K Traz
Position: In bounds preferably
Bio: She was born, no one knows how, in the depths of the famous Alcatraz prison. Raised among crooks of the worst kind, she has made the prison her playground. On the menu: hide-and-seek in the dungeons, arm-wrestling contest with inmates, storytelling before bedtime about the prowess of the greatest criminals. Alcatraz was her family, Al K. Traz her name. When the prison closed its doors, nothing was fun anymore because all around her was too boring. She went on an adventure in search of more destabilizing challenges… on wheels maybe…
Derby Name: Cracker Jass
Bio: Landing in Canada after seeing the world, this little sailor found a pair of roller skates as a prize in a box of her favourite popcorn treat. She tried them on and got hooked on derby like a fat kid on sugar. On the track, she’s a bit nuts and will definitely pop a few hits. Yeah, she’s a real treat. And she’s gluten-free.
Age: Your favourite junk food since 1896
Derby Name: Falafel la Gazelle
Bio: Descendant of the Phoenicians, Falafel la Gazelle is raised in a giant cedar forest. As a kid, she dislikes milk, prefering the fresh taste of Arak. A great war pushes her parents to move to Quebec, where her uncle is already settled and the owner of the best Amir in Laval. She will then become the best falafel cook in all North Shore. In her free time, she tries to integrate Quebec’s culture by joining in a softball team, but she finds it pretty boring. When Falafel hears about Derby, she is eager to try it. Quickly, she discovers a true passion for this new sport in which she feels her ancestors force coming back to her.
Height: 5′ 7″
Likes: Shish-taouk, shawarma, hummous, taboulé, pita, arak, les traductions de proverbes arabes and her Téta (aka grand-mother)
Derby Name: Hot Cross Guns
Bio: Leaving behind a trail of bloodied carnage that glints and glimmers in her wake, Hot Cross Guns will shoot straight off the track and into your hearts <3
Height: Five by five
Catchphrase: “insert *DOPPLER EFFECT*”
Likes: Dancing, laughing, cats
Dislikes: Negativity, non-fiction, non-cats
Derby Name: Just’n Powers
Position: Tell me!
Bio: “When she wanted to say very VERY muck, Just’N Powers would say “”Mille-douze-quarante”” (Thousand-twelve-forty). And that my friend, it’s REALLY a lot. So if Just’N Powers tells you that she loves skating (Artistic, Derby or Soccer-quad (a sport that doesn’t even exist but is just so much fun)) at a power of 1000-12-40, it’s because she really loves it. So after competing in artistic roller skating during 1000-12-40 years, she now wants to play derby a 1000-12-40 times!”
Height: All enough to kick you out & small enough to escape.
Likes: To be on the track! And see everyone cluster around and evolve through derby.
Dislikes: To get mille-douze-quarante penalties in a game.When she escape from her opponents, but her finger decides to stay and chit-chat a bit longer with the elbow pad of someone else …. (crak)
Derby Name: La Grande Noirceur
Position: Jammer, Pivot wannabe
Bio: Now in her second year of skating with MTLRD, La Grande Noirceur’s skates are starting to obey her long legs and her legs are now slowly obeying her brain.
Catchphrase: “Please don’t kill me but get the f*ck out of my way”
Likes: Hearing two shorts whistles blasts in her left ear. Sweaters with wide strips Dry socks.
Dislikes: Empty water bottles. As much as an empty beer.
Derby Name: Matraque
Position: On her ass more than she wants to admit
Bio: “Despite her serenity and her words of wisdom, this reincarnation of Dalai-Lama has never really adapted to the spiritual life that was expected from her. One day, she had a revelation during a meditation: “”Roller Derby””. She left the Tibetan monastery to follow the calling of her true destiny. She exchanged her sandals for quads and her monk’s robe for a green and silver skirted uniform. She declared the track “”New Tibet””, a territory in which is occupied by her physical strength rather than spiritual, this time!”
Age: It’s not polite to ask a lady her age
Height: 5’6″, which means around 4″8 of legs”
Catchphrase: “We shaaaall seeee… *Creepy Breathing Noise*”
Likes: Room temperature Pabst, unicorns, silence, and weird people.
Dislikes: Winter, incompetent drivers, and get punished by her body for a week each month because she’s not pregnant.
Derby Name: No Pix Plz
Bio: The paparazzi and gossip that surrounded her band “Just” were too much for No Pix Plz. After years of success and many magazine covers, she leaves France for Montreal to live in blissful anonymity. But the quietness of her new life proves to be too boring and she needed an outlet for her thirst for aggression. That’s how she joined roller derby and found in Sexpos what was missing : fun, friends and road trips!
Height: In cm
Likes: Making trouble and indie music
Dislikes: Camera flashes!
Derby Name: Ptite Pouliche
Position: Jammer / Pivot / Blocker
Bio: Pouliche, Poul, pou, poupou ou même poule-poule, play Roller Derby besides being student in theater (yes, puppets, mimes, Shakespeare and all these things). She is also the only one in Montreal which holds the wisdom, the strength and the knowledge to open a Derby shop for the players who share her passion. SkateHouse is not only its house, but also that of everything those who need her invaluable services to stay on the track…
Catchphrase: M’a t’arranger ça. // Tu m’gosses.
Likes: A+, oral presentation, SkateHouse
Dislikes: A-, bearings which squeak and the price of theater tickets.
Derby Name: Rock E Road
Bio: Taking the road less travelled, this rebel has rolled from province to province looking for home only to find it where she leaves it all- on the flat track.
Catchphrase: Smooth like a rocky road
Likes: Animals, food, Rules and coffee
Dislikes: Sitting still
Derby Name: Sneaky Devil
Bio: Born during a dust devil prairie fire in the badlands of Saskatchewan, the flat track is like home to this flatlander.
Likes: Beers, bicycles, punkrock, mayonnaise
Dislikes: Hangovers, laundry, wiener dogs
Derby Name: Tabarnouk!
Position: Blocker and jammer (in my dreams)
Bio: “Tabarnouk! / Proper (but not that much) and feminine noun. From the Latin tabarnacalum. Shortened as: Barnouk. Synonym: Shoosh! A Québécois expression which is used during play to express anger, hostility, pain, elation or surprise. Depending on the context in which it is used, “Tabarnouk!” can also heighten the implication of the words surrounding it. It is used for its cathartic properties and its ability to distract the enemy. The noun “Tabarnouk” is often considered to be an insult or a swear word in popular Québécois vernacular. It has to be used with caution, only by the initiated. Often imitated, “Tabarnouk” is never equaled. “Tabarnouche”, “Tabarnane” and other “Tabarouette” learned this at their own cost.”
Catchphrase: “Ah ben château!”
Likes: Teamwork, raccoons, natchos with cream cheese salsa, short skirts, and a good coffee
Dislikes: Lazy people, people who always find excuses for not doing things and those who do not work as a team
Derby Name: Volt Face
Position: Wherever high voltage is required
Bio: Chased by evil souls trying to squeeze information out of her about cheese, dried sausage and local booze warehouses, Volt flees her home mountains. A few well-deserved jolts later (trying to escape an electrified sheep pen where she was held captive under an ultra-strict vegan diet), she manages, thanks to her faithful Opinel knife with an integrated corkscrew, to make her way to America. The Dream comes True on the Land of the New : the smell of poutine takes over the cheese fondue. At the beginning, she’s rather confused by the weakness of the local electric current. After years of restless wandering, she eventually ends up meeting a reckless gang of girls on wheels thrilling crowds. She’s totally electrified. Instantly addicted to the ambient voltage, she short-circuits her plans to live a fast paced teammate life on 8 wheels. On the track, you’re never away from strong electrical discharges.
Height: 5’6 with hair standing up
Likes: Sheeps, electricity, sliding
Dislikes: Fences, evil souls
Derby Name: Wonderbrat
Position: Blocker and more
Bio: This feisty little delinquent was snatched up from a mean streets orphanage where she had been abandoned with only a baseball bat and a beat-up pair of skates. After realizing she was far too disobedient to play baseball with the other kids, she was left in the care of Montreal Roller Derby, where the good sisters hoped she could be whipped into shape. No such luck. With the prying eyes of her pious guardians gone, this reckless ankle biter discovered her superpowers and now unleashes them
Height: 5”2 et 3/4
Catchphrase: “Catch me if you can!”
Likes: Kittens, denim, glitter, slingshots
Dislikes: Animal cruelty, electric fences, court-appointed guardians
Derby Name: Ginny Neutron
Position: Bench Manager
Bio: The black sheep of the Neutron family, Ginny spends her time tinkering with brains and old computer parts in her dank, dark lair hidden in the depths of Mont-Royal with her trusty sidekick Murtle, the robotic cat. Having promised her concerned parents that she would attempt to forge a life in the “real world,” Ginny joined the world of roller derby despite her deep abhorrence of social interactions of all kinds. Now, after one too many brain experiments, she’s had to back off the track but not too far – just to the bench of Les Sexpos!
Likes: Robots, brains, cats
Dislikes: Mornings, people, cilantro
Derby Name: The Rev
Position: Asst. Coach
Bio: Assembled from the mutilated remains of old roller derby skaters in Dr. Spankensteins lab, The Rev began his career in Derby 8 years ago.
Likes: Bandit, Poutine, Frank and Sunday Afternoons.
Dislikes: Allergy Season, Shark Week.