Montréal Roller Derby
Name: Court Marshall
Position: Referee
Bio: Writer by day, ref by night.
Height: 5’8″
Catchphrase: “Derby is a lot like Calvinball. Except when it’s not”
Likes: Beer, making plans for the impending zombie apocalypse, drinking beer while making plans for the impending zombie apocalypse
Dislikes: Coriander a.k.a. cilantro. it’s so evil, it has two names
Name: Devine Intervention
Number: 91
Position: Referee
Bio: Sent down by the derby gods as a messenger to carry forth the word of the WFTDA rulebook, Devine started her mission in Sydney, Australia. Having been run out of the country by the unruly natives, she made her way to Montreal in order to continue her quest in enlightening lost souls in the ways of the WFTDA.
Likes: Convincing people that everything they’ve ever heard about Australia is true
Dislikes: Dropbears
Name: Frankenmeanie
Position: Referee Trainee
Bio: After giving her life to clear a path for her Jammer in 2012, Franky was resurrected a new breed of skater. She now sports black and white stripes, and those who cause penalties under her watch will face monstrous consequences.
Height: 5’9″
Catchphrase: “We can do better”
Likes: Lightning, science experiments, soft thread and dog treats
Dislikes: Mr. Whiskers
Name: Jean-Philippe Amann
Number: 11
Position: Referee
Age: Games programmer by day, roller derby rules program by night.
Catchphrase: “Let me make just one last change.”
Likes: “for(unsigned int i = 0x000000; i < 0xffffff; i += 0x111111) Like(i);”
Dislikes: “for(unsigned short i = 0; i < 0x7f; ++i) if(i < 0x30 || (i > 0x39 && i < 0x41) || i > 0x5A) Dislike(i);”
Name: Just Mo
Number: 127
Position: Referee
Bio: “I am who I am, come talk to me if you want to know more.”
Height: Just right
Catchphrase: “I’ll be there!”
Likes: Derby… a lot
Dislikes: Inconsistencies
Name: K-T-Blood
Position: Referee
Name: Patricide
Number: 27
Position: Referee
Bio: Patricide is a roller derby referee.
Height: 5’10”
Catchphrase: “I have no opinion on that”
Likes: Officiating
Dislikes: House rules
Name: Rad Wolf
Position: Referee Trainee
Bio: “I just started!”
Height: Taller than the shortest, shorter than the tallest
Catchphrase: *quiet growl*
Likes: Radness. Wolfness. Combinations of both.
Dislikes: Writing a bio for the website
Name: Reff Stryker
Position: Referee
Bio: As many of us do, Reff Stryker began his derby career in the critical role of drunken spectator. Now this porn affecionado, cultivator of designer snakes, and speaker of bad French is in his third season of skating on the edge of the track.
Height: 10 inches (after 7, no one can really tell the difference)
Catchphrase: “You’ll make sure I get home tonight, right?” (said prior to every afterparty)
Likes: Gay porn
Dislikes: Slow derby
Name: Shawn Solo
Position: Referee Trainee
Bio: Made the Tim Hortons run in less than twelve parsecs.
Height: 5’10”
Catchphrase: “Don’t get cocky”
Likes: The Millennium Falcon, lightspeed, substantial rewards
Dislikes: Siths, Imperials, Bounty Hunters
Name: The Flaming bush
Position: Referee Trainee
Bio: Stephanie has been a derby fan for almost 3 years. At the end of the last season, she seized the opportunity to move from a spectator seat to an official position. Her knowledge of the adult learning process gained in her professional life helps her on the long and challenging road to becoming a perceptive and efficient official. Amongst her favorite hobbies: giving suspicious looks to strangers and creating awkward social situations.
Height: 5’4″ going on 5’5″
Catchphrase: “Life always prevails”
Likes: Live, love, laugh
Dislikes: Ground meat that is not in a burger patty
Name: Whodunnit
Position: Referee
Bio: With MTLRD since August 2011.
Height: It’s private!
Catchphrase: “The important thing is what counts”
Likes: Peanut butter and mustard. Together.
Dislikes: Cinnamon on her caffe latte
Name: Boomer
Position: NSO
Bio: Damaged goods turned athlete, gone NSO because derby saves. Like Jesus.
Catchphrase: “urrgh… boom! Urr”
Likes: Pizza
Dislikes: No pizza
Name: Funnypack
Name: GI Joy
Position: NSO
Bio: Math teacher by day, non-skating official by night.
Catchphrase: “Knowing is half the battle”
Likes: Kittens
Dislikes: Nickelback
Name: Ill Communication
Position: NSO
Bio: Ill Communication can’t keep away from the middle of that track. OK, any position really. Thank you to everyone who makes this weird and wonderful sport thrive.
Height: Intimidating
Catchphrase: “Keep it on and on!”
Likes: Clipboards, tight officiating crews, a nice cold PBR, comedy, R-Beatz!
Dislikes: Unnecessary delays, arrogance, sweat puddles on the track
Name: Kill’n Miss Lazy
Position: NSO
Bio: Born on the exotic and mysterious Teacher Island, Killin grew up differently than all the young educators to be. She had a wild streak that wouldn’t let her be like everyone else on the Island. Unlike her brothers and sisters, she had her heart set on righting the wrongs of more than just the students in a classroom. In fact, the more she sensed chaos and unruly conduct, the more she craved discipline and respect. That is how on a late night, as she was surfing the web from her neon lit, chalk covered desk… She came across a live roller derby feed. She left the next day, never to be seen on Teacher Island again. However, if anyone from her home would dare to google her, they would be proud to find out that when Killin isn’t kickin butt in the education system she is keeping derby girls in check ñ Killin their lazy moves while making sure they don’t break the rules!
Height: Tall enough to catch you on your penalties
Catchphrase: “Come back when you’ve done your homework!”
Likes: Discipline, submission, organization and kitties
Dislikes: Whining, disobedience and gluten
Name: Marie-Hélène
Position: NSO
Bio: Marie-Hélène a.k.a Twinkerbell, doesn’t need any lost boys. She found all the people she needs on the track. Wearing stripes or wearing pink, Twinkerbell likes telling skaters what to do. Sweeter than a jos louis, more sass than Honey Boo Boo child. Every time a whistle blows, Twinkerbell gains another life.
Height: Level 7 wizard stick
Catchphrase: “Like a boss!”
Likes: Roller derby, Judy Garland, Chris D’Elia, hairstyles, hot Rockabilly boys, soccer
Dislikes: People who suck at Facebook, getting knocked over by skaters, winter, bitching
Name: Matante
Position: NSO
Bio: Old, but not old. Matante always takes care of her little girls. Even if it means waking up at 5:30 AM on a Sunday morning. What she wouldn’t do for her little girls. Just don’t make her upset…
Catchphrase: “Karma is a bitch”
Likes: Her little girls, her high heels, wheels and her hubby.
Dislikes: Winter, cruelty, hypocrisy and inequities (all of them).
Name: Pat Smear Dribblin
Number: 16
Position: NSO
Bio: Pat Smear Dribblin joined the Montreal Roller Derby League in November of 2007 after being a spectator for the first season. Offering his help to volunteer in any way, such as cleaning up the venue, he was steered towards Null Ptr Ref to instead join the officiating team as a referee. He soon became addicted to derby and traveled far and wide with the MTLRD Officiating Crew to referee and NSO at various games and tournaments around North America. Most recently Pat Smear Dribblin has had to give in to his alter ego, body piercer and scarification artist Pat Pierce, and now the two are locked in an internal battle for control!
Height: Not so tall, not so short
Catchphrase: “I remember when…” “BORN in the…” “Ah nghtdvl, you got me again”. Anything that can be said with a slide whistle or jaw harp as opposed to using real words
Likes: Officiating roller derby! Piercing! Post game “ref beer” on red fire hydrants
Dislikes: Not officiating roller derby! Not piercing. No post game ref beer. Not having enough time to do all the things you want
Name: Rollocop
Position: NSO
Bio: Follow the directives: serve the refs, protect the innocent, uphold the rules.
Height: “mine or my stunt double’s?”
Catchphrase: “Somewhere there is a penalty happening”
Likes: Players who stay out of trouble
Dislikes: Glitches
Name: Thurston 4 Justice
Position: NSO
Bio: He grew up living next to the Flagstons. When he got older he changed his last name from Moore and became a singer, songwriter and guitarist. But he quit all that to time rule-breakers in the penalty box.
Name: Thyphoid Johnny
Position: NSO
Bio: In 2010, this young and naive microbiologist moved to Montreal with the hope of unraveling the mysteries of infectious disease. Unfortunately, I was caught in the midst of an experiment gone horribly wrong and emerged from the hazardous rubble as a mad scientist. With the miracle of modern flat track roller derby, I regained my sanity (mostly), and entered the world of roller derby as a NSO.
Height: 6’2″
Likes: Fresh baked cookies and milk
Dislikes: Slow derby and dead puppies
Name: Tommy Toxic
Position: NSO
Bio: Some kids have a habit of getting into ‘trouble’, Tommy had a habit of getting into ‘everything’. With mouthfuls of cleaning products, solvents and paint, fistfulls of crayons, glue sticks and latex, and lungs filled with plaster dust, wood, ammonia and glitter, he was branded as Toxic. He says, “I love being Toxic, my poop sparkles”.
Height: It was 5’5″ but evidently, he shrunk last year so… 5’4″ it is
Catchphrase: “Lose the fun, and you’re done”
Likes: Good stuff!
Dislikes: Bad stuff
Name: Wicked of Oz
Position: NSO
Bio: “I am here, now.”
Height: Not really tall, nor really short
Catchphrase: “Hi!”
Likes: Homeopathy, derby
Dislikes: Writing a bio for the website