The Smash Squad is the where skaters hone their skills before being drafted to a home team. They train hard every week with the rest of the league, waiting to take their place the track. They are coached by an exceptional team: Coach Infraidible, Beet’Hell’Juice, Freida Tits, KT KaBOOM, Slaughtermelon Crawl, Ti Punch, and Tiny Fury.
(crédit photos: Charlotte Lacoursiere)
Derby Name: G-String Theory
Bio: Arriving from a 24 dimension parallel universe, G-String Theory has come to Earth to play roller derby, a sport whose reputation crossed the dimensions. This player has more than one string to her bow, she draw her power from the smallest components of matter: tiny g-strings made up of pure energy. Will G-String Theory adapt to the physical laws of this universe? Will her intergalactic reputation follow her to this planet? Will roller derby become her weapon of mass destruction? Only the futur will tell.
Catchphrase: Hold on to your string!
Derby Name: Glitter Bomb
Bio: Being in the Smash Squad is practically a miracle for me, since I come from a non-sportive heritage and that I am inclined towards Netflix and Sofa. I always have glitters and cat hair on my derby outfit, and that makes me quite unique. I am 100% Hufflepuff, Aries all the time and ready to break everything with my power butt.
Height: Almost 6’ with skates on I’m sure of it!!
Catchphrase: Fake it until you make it
Likes: Glitters, wine, Montreal, cats
Dislikes: Mean people, negative people
Derby Name: Motörwheels
Bio: Ex-endurance runner who got lonely racing by herself and fell in love with Roller Derby for being such a friendly, intense and inspiring sport.
Catchphrase: If you think you are too old to rock’n’roll, then you are
Likes: Mornings, cheese and hoarding houseplants
Derby Name: Paper Bag Princess
Bio: A prince once said to her: “Eliza, you are a mess! You smell like ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag. Come back when you’re dressed like a real princess.” She joined Roller Derby instead.
Catchphrase: You can never be overdressed or over educated
Likes: Historical fashion
Derby Name: PeurPanique
Bio: Fearless warriror. Joined Montreal Roller Derby with guts and courage after playing for 1 season in the amazing Junior league.
Height: Tall string bean in my home country but fairly average size here, my new home
Catchphrase: Hey, fear, it’s ok if you visit, but do not stay in !
Likes: Cats and post derby brunches!
Dislikes: Freezing rain
Derby Name: Road Kale
Bio: Fell madly in love with derby in 2014 and have been playing since 2016. Official mom of the Smash Squad, my nickname is Mama Smash. Over achiever who is heavily involved in league activities, I co-organize league events.
Height: Tall glass of water
Likes: Mister Kale
Dislikes: Chocolate desserts
Derby Name: Vas-Y Line
Bio: According to legend, rather than crossing the Atlantic ocean by canoë, using butterfly stroke or narwhal riding like everybody else, Caroline a.k.a. Vas-y Line came to the new world sliding around; letting behind her Belgium Kingdom mourning. Attracked by the track, our derby warrior rolled… euh, put on her first quad as a “fresh-fries”. Beware, under her unicorn rainbow tunes, Vas-y Line won’t slide away.
Height: around 1m69
Catchphrase: Let’s slide
Likes: French fries, beers, aslo cats and unicorns
Dislikes: Hot beer with too much foam
Derby Name: Rock E. Road
Number: 0 2
Bio: I’ve been around derby so long I used Poodling as a strategy. Now I want to pass on my archaic knowledge to the fresh faces of derby to keep this great, crazy, thing going!
Height: Smaller than you think
Catchphrase: Smooth like a rocky road…
Dislikes: Not derby