The Smash Squad is the where skaters hone their skills before being drafted to a home team. They train hard every week with the rest of the league, waiting to take their place the track. They are coached by an exceptional team: Coach Infraidible, Beet’Hell’Juice, Freida Tits, KT KaBOOM, Slaughtermelon Crawl, Ti Punch, and Tiny Fury.
(crédit photos: Charlotte Lacoursiere)
Derby Name: Amperslam
Bio: My friends said, “you should play roller derby, it’s totally the kind of thing you would do!” I come from rugby and circus so I guess it was pretty obvious. Apparently they were right!
Height: Tall enough to reach the floor.
Catchphrase: Geeze Louise!
Likes: Nice people and soft things.
Dislikes: The patriarchy.
Derby Name: Banshee
Bio: There is always a Roller Derby team in the city where I live: Montpellier, Paris, Montreal … It seems that I scream too hard on my teammates, martyring at people is my unconfessed passion in life.
Derby Name: Bitchi Manitou
Bio: First Nation mom, math nerd, yogi who fell in love with derby 5 years ago.
Catchphrase: Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.
Likes: Authenticity, my kids, finding a bargain, DIY. The order varies depending on the day.
Dislikes: Suburbia and keeping up with the Joneses
Derby Name: Booty Fatale
Position: Wherever my booty is useful (so yeah, blocker)
Bio: Known for my clumsiness and unexplained falls, starting derby in my thirties seemed like a good idea. I’m surprisingly more stable in quad skates that in my Vans.
Likes: Ice cream, Ticket to ride, cross-stitching, everything Zviane does, Dance Mix ’95
Dislikes: White beans, poker, drawing, the unfinishable book written by Ingrid Betancourt, Dance Mix ’96
Derby Name: Deb’hiteuse
Position: Whichever the line-up wants me to do. When I manage it !
Bio: After 1 season with Gueuses de Pigalle (France), I’ve decided to come heat my wheels and get lower in Quebec.
Height: Average. But I’m 1cm taller than my big sister I think.
Catchphrase: Yallah ! Let’s go in front!
Likes: Derby families around the world, skiing, Cat Stevens and Tartiflette
Dislikes: when my feet are wet in my shoes, and it sounds exactly like the poutine cheese (have you noticed?)
Derby Name: EM.M.O.
Height: With skate?
Catchphrase: F**king Quebec winter
Likes: Asking questions. Cofee, warmth, cofee warmth, Asking question around a warm cofee (or more)
Dislikes: When I’m speechless, When I run out of cofee. Bitter cold. Cold hand. Not having drink cofee. Being speechless and cold without any cofee is the worst!
Derby Name: Eye Roll
Bio: Fresh Meat ! I was hooked after seeing 3 games. I am attempting this adventure with a Danse, Yoga and Handball background.
Catchphrase: I can eat what I now, I’m an athlete now!
Likes: Falaf’ & Charlie
Dislikes: People that don’t use their on the road.
Derby Name: G-String Theory
Bio: Arriving from a 24 dimension parallel universe, G-String Theory has come to Earth to play roller derby, a sport whose reputation crossed the dimensions. This player has more than one string to her bow, she draw her power from the smallest components of matter: tiny g-strings made up of pure energy. Will G-String Theory adapt to the physical laws of this universe? Will her intergalactic reputation follow her to this planet? Will roller derby become her weapon of mass destruction? Only the futur will tell.
Height: 5′ 7″
Catchphrase: Hold on to your string!
Derby Name: Harley Quinn
Bio: I’m strong and able to put the good strategy at the good moment during a game. I work well in team and am always ready to learn
Catchphrase: I’m crazy
Likes: Almost everything
Dislikes: bitter cold, extreme heat, yellow and pink, conformism
Derby Name: Killmore Girls
Bio: Killmore Girls tried to write an epic bio showcasing how badass, witty and inherently funny she is. Turns out, she’s really not that interesting nor creative. So no matter how much she overthough it, she isn’t impressing anyone. She tried, a lot, she really did….so much it’s embarrassing.
Catchphrase: Life is hard, hard like the floor
Derby Name: Knock On Wood
Position: Where no man’s hand has gone before.
Bio: Young woman but not really patient. Professionnal potato couch who could convince that Jello arm can really hurt!
Height: Around canadian mean
Catchphrase: OH BOY!
Likes: Eating as it was the last time, cats and unicorns
Dislikes: bacon, cofee and the people who judge me about it
Derby Name: Meanie Van
Position: All of them
Bio: It’s the Meanie Van’s 2nd season on the track. Top of the line, it’s an all season, versatile, 4 wheel drive, ready for anything, advanced safety features, it can withstand high impact collisions.
Catchphrase: Jump in!
Likes: Early morning drives
Dislikes: Traffic jams and drivers who don’t signal
Derby Name: Missy Me’s-on Track
Bio: Missy has the powers of the pi-plus meson (pion), they are very fast and have the power to hold the nucleus of an atom together. So you can thank her that the earth isn’t one giant nuclear bomb about to go off. And like the pion, who makes vapours tails (Tracks) in particle detector cloud chambers, she makes tracks while On the Track, because Missy Me Is On the Track, yeah, dats’ight, M’es-on Track! So Me’s-on Track as a blocker holds the pack, Me’s-on Track as a Jammer leaves them back. Dats’ight, Missy Me’s-on Track, she’s got your back! Missy Me’s-on Track, she the head of the pack!
Height: 1/2 fermi
Catchphrase: Missy Me’s-on Track, she’s got your back! Missy Me’s-on Track, she the head of the pack!
Derby Name: Road Kale
Position: Blocker/Bossman/Team captain
Bio: After watching derby from the sidelines for 2 years, I finally decided to wholeheartedly embrace by mid life crisis by joining the league. I am in my 2nd season.
Height: Pretty tall
Catchphrase: I’m hungry!
Likes: Hiking, plant based food and my derby weirdos
Dislikes: Hits in the ribs
Derby Name: Squeeze
Position: Running into the pile
Bio: First season of derby, costumer even on skate, professionnal clumsy and lunatic all the way.
Height: Squeezable size
Likes: Popcorn, chocolate, food in general, shopping in thrift shop and driving my boyfriend nuts by buying way too many clothes.
Dislikes: Waking up on sunday morning, waking up on any morning.
Derby Name: Téquila Swing
Bio: Raised In Côtes du Rhône and in St-Félicien, I’ve been conquered by Quebec two years ago. But, I’m not used to the wearther yet and I freeze to death half of the year. So, it’s on the track that I can warm up myself beside my SmashSquad friends!
Height: Higher than written on my passport
Likes: Sing cheesy songs (loudly), bubble wrap, sleeping during hours, and, SPRING!
Dislikes: The mysterious desaperance of my socks from the washing maching, stereotypes and red cofee.
Derby Name: Vas-Y Line
Bio: According to legend, rather than crossing Atlantic ocean by Canoë, using butterfly stroke or narwhal riding like everybody else, Caroline a.k.a. Vas-y Line came to the new world sliding around; letting behind her Belgium Kingdom mourning. Attracked by the track, our derby warrior rolled… euh, put on her first quad as a “fresh-fries”. Beware, under her unicorn rainbow tunes, Vas-y Line won’t slide away.
Height: around 1m69
Catchphrase: Let’s slid!
Likes: French fries, beers, aslo cats and unicorns
Dislikes: Hot beer with too much foam
Derby Name: VelvetOnTheGround
Bio: Yawner extraordinaire. I miraculously kick myself in the butt most sunday mornings to join the rest of the wacky crowd at practice and still can’t believe I found a sport that makes me do that.
Catchphrase: I can’t, I’m working/I can’t, I have derby
Likes: Sleeping in, coffee, 90s everything, PIZZAAAAA, Buffy, Jean-Philippe
Dislikes: Winter crushes my soul. Misplacing stuff drives me crazy.
Derby Name: Coach Infraidible
Bio: Former baseballer, former footballer, derby was missing in my american sport toolbox : and for my third year celebration, I’m trying coaching!
Catchphrase: Chocho Time!
Likes: Radiohead and pangolins
Dislikes: Pineapple and heat wave